There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.
The Englishman was thinking: ‘The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.’ Claudia Schiffer was thinking: ‘The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.’ And the Scotsman was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make that kissing noise and slap that English btard again.
- —v. - rise off the ground etc. By sudden muscular effort in the legs.
- (often foll. By up, from, in, out, etc.) Move suddenly or hastily (jumped into the car).
- jerk or twitch from shock or excitement etc.
- a change, esp. Advance in status or rise, rapidly (prices jumped). B cause to do this.
- (often foll. By about) change the subject etc. Rapidly.
- pass over (an obstacle etc.) By jumping.
- skip (a passage in a book etc.).
- cause (a horse etc.) To jump.
- (foll. By to, at) reach (a conclusion) hastily. 10 (of a train) leave (the rails). 11 pass (a red traffic-light etc.). 12 get on or off (a train etc.) Quickly, esp. Illegally or dangerously. 13 attack (a person) unexpectedly. —n. - act of jumping.
- sudden jerk caused by shock or excitement.
- abrupt rise in amount, value, status, etc.
- obstacle to be jumped.
- a sudden transition. B gap in a series, logical sequence, etc. jump at accept eagerly. Jump bail fail to appear for trial having been released on bail. Jump down a person's throat colloq. Reprimand or contradict a person fiercely. Jump the gun colloq. Begin prematurely. Jump on colloq. Attack or criticize severely. Jump out of one's skin colloq. Be extremely startled. Jump the queue take unfair precedence. Jump ship (of a seaman) desert. Jump to it colloq. Act promptly. One jump ahead one stage further on than a rival etc. [imitative]
n. Sixth month of the year. [latin junius from juno, name of a goddess]
bond n. Bond bearing high interest but deemed to be a risky investment.
- food n. Food, such as sweets and crisps, with low nutritional value.
- mail n. Unsolicited advertising matter sent by post.