There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.
The Englishman was thinking: ‘The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.’ Claudia Schiffer was thinking: ‘The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.’ And the Scotsman was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make that kissing noise and slap that English btard again.
—adj. (called the definite article) 1 denoting person(s) or thing(s) already mentioned, under discussion, implied, or familiar (gave the man a wave).
- describing as unique (the thames).
- a (foll. By defining adj.) Which is, who are, etc. (edward the seventh). B (foll. By adj. Used absol.) Denoting a class described (from the sublime to the ridiculous).
- best known or best entitled to the name (with the stressed: do you mean the kipling?).
- indicating a following defining clause or phrase (the book that you borrowed).
- a indicating that a singular noun represents a species etc. (the cat is a mammal). B used with a noun which figuratively represents an occupation etc. (went on the stage). C (foll. By the name of a unit) a, per (5p in the pound). —adv. (preceding comparatives in expressions of proportional variation) in or by that (or such a) degree; on that account (the more the merrier; the more he has the more he wants). [old english]
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