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Funny jokes

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot.
The shop owner points to three identically looking parrots on a perch and says:
"The parrot on the left costs $500."
"Why does the parrot cost so much?", asks the guest.
The owner says,
"Well, the parrot knows how to use a computer."
The man then asks about the next parrot. He is told that this one costs $1000, because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot. He is told that it costs $2000. Needless to say this begs the question,
"What can it do?"
To which the owner replies,
"To be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

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American crossword №84: PHYTOPLANKTON

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ACROSS:
1. Young sheep
6. Move slowly; in the case of people or animals with the body near the ground
11. Used in combination to denote the middle
14. Any of various usually white herons having long plumes during breeding season
15. Tall perennial herb of tropical Asia with dark green leaves; cultivated for the fibre from its woody stems that resembles flax
16. To make a mistake or be incorrect
17. Sleep during summer
19. Extinct flightless bird of New Zealand
20. Not ever; at no time in the past or future
21. An insignificant student who is ridiculed as being affected or boringly studious
22. A seaport on the western coast of Syria
26. Not dense
28. Concern for your own interests and welfare
31. Of or relating to the velum
32. Give expression or emotion to, in a stage or movie role
33. An important port of Yemen; located on the Gulf of Aden; its strategic location has made it a major trading centre of southern Arabia since ancient times
34. Dispose, incline or entice to
36. The actions and activities assigned to or required or expected of a person or group
40. Northern subarctic coniferous forests
42. Out of bed
43. Photosynthetic or plant constituent of plankton; mainly unicellular algae
46. A line of people or vehicles waiting for something
48. Any of various cosmetic preparations that are applied to the skin
49. A large vase that usually has a pedestal or feet
50. (East Africa) a boss; as a form of address, master or sir
52. The cardinal number that is the sum of one and one and one
53. An amphibious division of the United States Navy
59. A close friend, esp. one who often acts as a companion
60. A murderer (especially one who kills a prominent political figure) who kills by a surprise attack and often is hired to do the deed
61. Cause to accept or become hardened to; habituate
62. Female pronoun; a female, or something regarded as female, e.g. a ship
63. A domed or vaulted recess or projection on a building especially the east end of a church; usually contains the altar
64. An evil supernatural being
DOWN:
1. A unit of length of thread or yarn
2. How long something has existed
3. A form of address for a married woman
4. Maintain with or as if with a bet
5. A person who is deemed to be despicable or contemptible
6. Neckwear worn in a slipknot with long ends overlapping vertically in front
7. A magnitude or frequency relative to a time unit
8. An independent ruler or chieftain (especially in Africa or Arabia)
9. A number you choose and use to gain access to various accounts
10. Two-year-old sheep
11. Something that is remembered
12. Metal shackles; for hands or legs
13. English explorer and admiral who was the first Englishman to circumnavigate the globe and who helped to defeat the Spanish Armada (1540-1596)
18. A blood vessel that carries blood from the capillaries toward the heart
21. (sport) ride water skis
22. The basic unit of money in Bulgaria
23. (of a person) advanced in years, old
24. Enameled or lacquered metalware (usually gilded and elaborately painted); popular in the 18th century
25. Any plant of the genus Acanthus having large spiny leaves and spikes, white or purplish flowers; native to Mediterranean region but widely cultivated
26. A native or inhabitant of Scotland
27. A sizeable hole (usually in the ground)
29. (computing) to change the assignment of a function to a key
30. (folklore) fairies that are somewhat mischievous
34. [vulgar] Either of two soft fleshy milk-secreting glandular organs on the chest of a woman
35. An inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others
37. Essential oil or perfume obtained from flowers
38. The fifth sign of the zodiac; the sun is in this sign from about July 23 to August 22
39. Bulky greyish-brown eagle with a short wedge-shaped white tail; of Europe and Greenland
41. An affirmative
42. Acting to neutralize acid (especially in the stomach)
43. Of or relating to the penis
44. An extensive grassy and nearly treeless plain (especially in Latin America)
45. Of the highest quality
46. A witty saying
47. (Old Testament) the husband of Bathsheba and a soldier who was sent to die in battle so that king David could marry his wife (circa 10th century BC)
50. An undergarment worn by women to support their breasts
51. Take (someone) as a wife
53. A master's degree in business
54. Alsatian artist and poet who was cofounder of dadaism in Zurich; noted for abstract organic sculptures (1887-1966)
55. The smallest whole number or a numeral representing this number
56. Beyond or deviating from the usual or expected
57. Substitute
58. A fractional monetary unit of Japan and Indonesia and Cambodia; equal to one hundredth of a yen, rupiah or riel

Random puzzles:

 
  • Crossword puzzle №23: BOAT
  • Crossword puzzle №24: DEVELOPER
  • Crossword puzzle №25: TAVERNA
  • Cryptic crossword №15: CLEAR THE DECKS
  • Cryptic crossword №16: SKIPPING ROPE
  • Cryptic crossword №17: DIESEL ENGINE
  • American crossword №17: SHOEMAKER
  • American crossword №18: BIRDS EYE VIEW
  • American crossword №19: TRESTLE TABLE
  • Freeform crossword №15: LEGITIMACY
  • Freeform crossword №16: ALL-TERRAIN VEHICLE
  • Freeform crossword №17: RUNNING TITLE
 

Random puzzles:
Crossword puzzle №23: BOAT
Cryptic crossword №15: CLEAR THE DECKS
American crossword №17: SHOEMAKER
Freeform crossword №15: LEGITIMACY
Crossword puzzle №24: DEVELOPER
Cryptic crossword №16: SKIPPING ROPE
American crossword №18: BIRDS EYE VIEW
Freeform crossword №16: ALL-TERRAIN VEHICLE
Crossword puzzle №25: TAVERNA
Cryptic crossword №17: DIESEL ENGINE
American crossword №19: TRESTLE TABLE
Freeform crossword №17: RUNNING TITLE



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< Administrator > 20.12.04
American crossword №84: PHYTOPLANKTON
Size of crossword: 15х15

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Shrimps" hearts are in their heads.

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