A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy"s window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer, I can"t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I"ll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can"t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I"ll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need an urine sample."
"I"m sorry, officer, I can"t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I"ll get really low blood sugar."
"All right then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can"t do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I"m too drunk to do that!"
roger n. Pirates' black flag, usu. With skull and crossbones.
- —adj. (-ier, -iest) 1 cheerful; merry.
- festive, jovial.
- colloq. Pleasant, delightful. —adv. Colloq. Very. —v. (-ies, -ied) (usu. Foll. By along) colloq. Coax or humour in a friendly way. —n. (pl. -ies) colloq. Party or celebration. jollily adv. Jolliness n. [french jolif gay, pretty: perhaps related to *yule]
- n. (pl. -ies) (in full jolly boat) clinker-built ship's boat smaller than a cutter. [origin unknown: perhaps related to *yawl]
JONAH
n. Person who seems to bring bad luck. [jonah in the old testament]
JOULE
n. Si unit of work or energy. [joule, name of a physicist]
JOUST
hist. —n. Combat between two knights on horseback with lances. —v. Engage in a joust. jouster n. [french jouste from latin juxta near]
JUDAS
n. Traitor. [judas iscariot who betrayed christ]
JUDGE
—n. - public official appointed to hear and try legal cases.
- person appointed to decide in a contest, dispute, etc.
- a person who decides a question. B person regarded as having judgement of a specified type (am no judge; good judge of art). —v. (-ging) 1 form an opinion or judgement (about); estimate, appraise.
- act as a judge (of).
- a try (a case) at law. B pronounce sentence on.
- (often foll. By to + infin. Or that + clause) conclude, consider. [latin judex judic-]
JUICE
n. - liquid part of vegetables or fruits.
- animal fluid, esp. A secretion (gastric juice).
- colloq. Petrol; electricity. [french from latin]
JUICY
adj. (-ier, -iest) 1 full of juice; succulent.
- colloq. Interesting; racy, scandalous.
- colloq. Profitable. juicily adv. Juiciness n.
JULEP
n. - a sweet drink, esp. As a vehicle for medicine. B medicated drink as a mild stimulant etc.
- us iced and flavoured spirits and water (mint julep). [persian gulab rose-water]
JUMBO
n. (pl. -s) colloq. - (often attrib.) Large animal (esp. An elephant), person, or thing (jumbo packet).
- (in full jumbo jet) large airliner for several hundred passengers. [probably from *mumbo-jumbo]
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