There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.
The Englishman was thinking: ‘The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.’ Claudia Schiffer was thinking: ‘The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.’ And the Scotsman was thinking: ‘This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I’ll make that kissing noise and slap that English btard again.
n. (also la) mus. Sixth note of a major scale. [latin labii, word arbitrarily taken]
LAM
v. (-mm-) slang thrash; hit. [perhaps scandinavian]
LAP
of honour n. Ceremonial circuit of a racetrack etc. By a winner.
- n. - front of the body from the waist to the knees of a sitting person.
- clothing covering this. in the lap of the gods beyond human control. In the lap of luxury in extremely luxurious surroundings. [old english]
- —n. - a one circuit of a racetrack etc. B section of a journey etc.
- a amount of overlapping. B overlapping part.
- single turn of thread etc. Round a reel etc. —v. (-pp-) 1 lead or overtake (a competitor in a race) by one or more laps.
- (often foll. By about, round) fold or wrap (a garment etc.) Round.
- (usu. Foll. By in) enfold in wraps etc.
- (as lapped adj.) (usu. Foll. By in) enfolded caressingly.
- cause to overlap. [probably from *lap1]
- —v. (-pp-) 1 a (esp. Of an animal) drink with the tongue. B (usu. Foll. By up, down) consume (liquid) greedily. C (usu. Foll. By up) consume (gossip, praise, etc.) Greedily.
- (of waves etc.) Ripple; make a lapping sound against (the shore). —n. - a act of lapping. B amount of liquid taken up.
- sound of wavelets. [old english]
LAT
Abbr. Latitude.
LAV
n. Colloq. Lavatory. [abbreviation]
LAW
lord n. Member of the house of lords qualified to perform its legal work.
- n. - a rule enacted or customary in a community and recognized as commanding or forbidding certain actions. B body of such rules.
- controlling influence of laws; respect for laws.
- laws collectively as a social system or subject of study.
- binding force (her word is law).
- (prec. By the) a the legal profession. B colloq. The police.
- (in pl.) Jurisprudence.
- a the judicial remedy. B the lawcourts as providing this (go to law).
- rule of action or procedure.
- regularity in natural occurrences (laws of nature; law of gravity). 10 divine commandments. be a law unto oneself do what one considers right; disregard custom. Lay down the law be dogmatic or authoritarian. Take the law into one's own hands redress a grievance by one's own means, esp. By force. [old english from old norse, = thing laid down]
LAX
adj. - lacking care or precision.
- not strict. laxity n. Laxly adv. Laxness n. [latin laxus loose]
LAY
figure n. - jointed figure of a human body used by artists for arranging drapery on etc.
- unrealistic character in a novel etc. [dutch led joint]
- reader n. Lay person licensed to conduct some religious services.
- —v. (past and past part. Laid) 1 place on a surface, esp. Horizontally or in the proper or specified place.
- put or bring into the required position or state (lay carpet).
- make by laying (lay foundations).
- (often absol.) (of a hen bird) produce (an egg).
- cause to subside or lie flat.
- (usu. Foll. By on); attribute or impute (blame etc.).
- prepare or make ready (a plan or trap).
- prepare (a table) for a meal.
- arrange the material for (a fire). 10 put down as a wager; stake. 11 (foll. By with) coat or strew (a surface). 12 slang offens. Have sexual intercourse with (esp. A woman). —n. - way, position, or direction in which something lies.
- slang offens. Partner (esp. Female) in, or act of, sexual intercourse. lay about one hit out on all sides. Lay aside 1 put to one side.
- cease to consider. Lay at the door of impute to. Lay bare expose, reveal. Lay claim to claim as one's own. Lay down 1 put on a flat surface.
- give up (an office).
- formulate (a rule).
- store (wine) for maturing.
- sacrifice (one's life). Lay (one's) hands on obtain, locate. Lay hands on seize or attack. Lay hold of seize. Lay in provide oneself with a stock of. Lay into colloq. Punish or scold harshly. Lay it on thick (or with a trowel) colloq. Flatter or exaggerate grossly. Lay low overthrow or humble. Lay off 1 discharge (unneeded workers) temporarily; make redundant.
- colloq. Desist. Lay on 1 provide.
- impose.
- inflict (blows).
- spread on (paint etc.). Lay open 1 break the skin of.
- (foll. By to) expose (to criticism etc.). Lay out 1 spread out, expose to view.
- prepare (a corpse) for burial.
- colloq. Knock unconscious.
- arrange (grounds etc.) According to a design.
- adj. - a non-clerical. B not ordained into the clergy.
- a not professionally qualified. B of or done by such persons. [greek laos people]
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