A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy"s window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer, I can"t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I"ll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can"t do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I"ll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need an urine sample."
"I"m sorry, officer, I can"t do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I"ll get really low blood sugar."
"All right then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can"t do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I"m too drunk to do that!"
accompli n. Thing that has been done and is not capable of alteration. [french]
FAKE
—n. False or counterfeit thing or person. —adj. Counterfeit; not genuine. —v. (-king) 1 make a fake or imitation of (faked my signature).
- feign (a feeling, illness, etc.). [german fegen sweep]
FALL
guy n. Slang easy victim; scapegoat.
- —v. (past fell; past part. Fallen) 1 go or come down freely; descend.
- (often foll. By over) come suddenly to the ground from loss of balance etc.
- a hang or slope down. B (foll. By into) (of a river etc.) Discharge into.
- a sink lower; decline, esp. In power, status, etc. B subside.
- occur (falls on a monday).
- (of the face) show dismay or disappointment.
- yield to temptation.
- take or have a particular direction or place (his eye fell on me; accent falls on the first syllable).
- a find a place; be naturally divisible. B (foll. By under, within) be classed among. 10 come by chance or duty (it fell to me to answer). 11 a pass into a specified condition (fell ill). B become (fall asleep). 12 be defeated or captured. 13 die. 14 (foll. By on, upon) a attack. B meet with. C embrace or embark on avidly. 15 (foll. By to + verbal noun) begin (fell to wondering). —n. - act of falling.
- that which falls or has fallen, e.g. Snow.
- recorded amount of rainfall etc.
- overthrow (fall of rome).
- a succumbing to temptation. B (the fall) adam's sin and its results.
- (also fall) us autumn.
- (esp. In pl.) Waterfall etc.
- wrestling-bout; throw in wrestling. fall about colloq. Be helpless with laughter. Fall away 1 (of a surface) incline abruptly.
- become few or thin; gradually vanish.
- desert. Fall back retreat. Fall back on have recourse to in difficulty. Fall behind 1 be outstripped; lag.
- be in arrears. Fall down (often foll. By on) colloq. Fail. Fall for colloq. Be captivated or deceived by. Fall foul of come into conflict with. Fall in 1 take one's place in military formation.
- collapse inwards. Fall in with 1 meet by chance.
- agree with.
- coincide with. Fall off 1 become detached.
- decrease, deteriorate. Fall out 1 quarrel.
- (of the hair, teeth, etc.) Become detached.
- mil. Come out of formation.
- result; occur. Fall over backwards see *backwards. Fall over oneself colloq. - be eager.
- stumble through haste, confusion, etc. Fall short be deficient. Fall short of fail to reach or obtain. Fall through fail; miscarry. Fall to begin, e.g. Eating or working. [old english]
FAME
n. - renown; being famous.
- archaic reputation. [latin fama]
FANG
n. - canine tooth, esp. Of a dog or wolf.
- tooth of a venomous snake.
- root of a tooth or its prong. [old english]
FARE
—n. - a price of a journey on public transport. B fare-paying passenger.
- range of food. —v. (-ring) progress; get on (how did you fare?). [old english]
FARM
—n. - land and its buildings under one management for growing crops, rearing animals, etc.
- such land etc. For a specified purpose (trout-farm).
- = *farmhouse. —v. - a use (land) for growing crops, rearing animals, etc. B be a farmer; work on a farm.
- breed (fish etc.) Commercially.
- (often foll. By out) delegate or subcontract (work) to others. farming n. [french ferme from latin firma fixed payment]
FART
coarse slang —v. - emit wind from the anus.
- (foll. By about, around) behave foolishly. —n. - an emission of wind from the anus.
